What is “Rose, Bud, and Thorn”?

Why “Rose, Bud, and Thorn”?

Ok, people, we’ve all been there – the moment when stress seems to ooze into every facet of our lives, leaving us shouting, “I am all stressed out.” It’s a phrase that has become commonplace in today’s fast-paced world, often used to express the overwhelming pressures we face. I challenge you all to examine whether this declaration is genuine or a subtle excuse to escape responsibilities.

I will give it to you, stress is a natural part of life, that is triggered by various factors such as work or school demands, personal relationships, and responsibilities, as well as societal expectations for adults and kids alike. However, the phrase “I am all stressed out” has become so commonplace that it risks losing its true meaning. In some instances, it can serve as a convenient shield, covering the real reasons behind one’s reluctance to engage in certain activities. Come on, admit it, we have all used this phrase, and our kids have too!

When “I am all stressed out” becomes a regular response, it may be a sign of a deeper issue. We all know that stress is a valid and often challenging emotion. However, when consistently using it as a catch-all phrase in an attempt to avoid facing uncomfortable situations or responsibilities- we have a problem! It’s crucial to recognize when stress is genuine and when it becomes a convenient excuse. Sometimes it is hard to tell, and the judgment relies on knowing the person who is saying it. I have absolutely discounted this phrase’s seriousness when it comes from a person who is an exaggerator in general.

But…, stress, when genuine, can have severe implications on our mental and physical well-being. It’s a signal from our bodies that something needs attention. The phrase, “I am all stressed out,” when said by a person who typically is not frazzled by life, needs to be taken more seriously. We all need to keep in mind that misusing the phrase may trivialize the experiences of those genuinely grappling with stressors. It’s essential to differentiate between the need for support and a desire to evade certain tasks aware of your use of this phrase.

So now what…instead of defaulting to “I am all stressed out,” consider articulating the specific challenges you are dealing with. Let’s take ownership of our feelings and express them clearly. Taking ownership of your true experience will allow for a better understanding of what is going on for you and can better help your support system help you. This strategy will also help break the cycle of using stress as a shield to avoid responsibilities. When you hear the phrase, ask yourself and your kids: Are you really stressed out, or do you not want to …?” Try to gain an understanding of what is really going on. Ask questions with genuine curiosity rather than judgment.

While stress is an inevitable part of the human experience, the phrase “I am all stressed out” should not serve as a blanket excuse! By understanding the nuances of stress, taking ownership of our feelings, and seeking support when needed, we can break free from the cycle of using stress as a way to escape responsibilities.

xoxo,

Dr. Marnee

Hello fellow parents! If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why your child or teen sometimes chooses to be a bit, well…, selective with the truth, you’re not alone. I recently had a session with a parent and this topic filled our time quickly. Let’s walk into the intriguing world of honesty – or the lack thereof – and explore the reasons behind the selective sharing of information.

Risk Management 101 – Fear of Consequences:

Picture this: your teenager missed curfew, and you’re asking for an explanation. Ever notice the hesitation? It’s not that they don’t trust you; it’s more about navigating potential fallout. Children and teens might selectively share details of a situation to avoid what they perceive as the “parental storm.” This “Fear of Consequences” is experienced in children, teens, young adults, adults…It is experienced at all ages and stages of life.

Self-Image Maintenance – The Edit:

Childhood and Adolescence is a transformation story with the main character under constant editing and evolution (isn’t development awesome, for real). It is human nature to want to present the best version of ourselves, even if it means bending the truth a bit. This editing phase will continue as a person figures out who they want to be in this world and how the feedback from their world works for them.

The Diplomatic Approach – Protection of Relationships:

As parents, we cherish the family bond. Children and teens do too, but sometimes they want to keep the peace. The truth might stir up emotions, so they navigate carefully. It’s like diplomatic negotiations within the family – choosing battles wisely to maintain harmony. Come on, we adults do this as well….all of the time.

Emotional Armor – Coping Mechanism:

Children and teenagers face a rollercoaster of emotions, and sometimes a little storytelling serves as their emotional armor. Whether it’s stress, peer pressure, or insecurities, they might spin a tale to cope. It’s not deception; it’s a way of navigating the tumultuous sea of life.

The Peer Dance – Social Expectations:

Children and teenagers are working on and/or are highly attuned to the social dance, and sometimes their stories align with what their peers are sharing. It’s not about rebellion or disrespect; it’s about fitting in. They might be selective to match the rhythm of the social scene.

So, navigating the truth maze and understanding the reasons behind selective honesty sheds light on the intricate dynamics of being a person. It’s not defiance; it’s a quest for identity, coping, independence, and finding a place in the world. Please remember to reserve judgment and come to a place of understanding as we are on this journey of life together. Stay patient, keep those lines of communication open, and embrace the adventure of parenting!

With love,

Dr. Marnee

I was recently in a social situation where some moms (and a grandmom), were discussing screen time for their kids. The takeaways from the conversation were the following: some felt guilty and judged for allowing their kids to be on screens for their convenience’s sake while others felt pride for being a better parent than the others due to their ability to limit screen time. I offered my view that it is not an all-or-nothing at all concept of life.

Here is the truth about screens- in today’s digital age, children are surrounded by screens, from smartphones and tablets to computers and TVs. So are we. While technology offers numerous benefits, excessive screen time can have adverse effects on a child’s development and family relationships. As parents, it’s essential to strike a balance and guide our children towards healthy screen habits. Here are 3-tips to help curb your child’s screen time:

Set Clear and Consistent Screen Time Limits:

Establishing clear and consistent screen time limits is crucial for creating a healthy digital environment for your child. Work with your child to determine reasonable daily or weekly screen time allowances based on their age and individual needs. Discuss the importance of balance, explaining that screen time should be complemented with physical activities, social interactions, and other enriching experiences. Consistency is key, so ensure that these limits are consistently applied and enforced. Parents need to get off their screens too.

Create Screen-Free Zones and Times:

Designate specific areas in your home as screen-free zones, such as the dining table or bedrooms. This helps create boundaries and encourages your child to engage in other activities without the distraction of screens. Additionally, establish screen-free times, especially during meals and before bedtime. This allows for meaningful family interactions and ensures that screen time doesn’t interfere with essential aspects of your child’s routine, such as a good night’s sleep. Parents need to get off their screens too.

Encourage Diverse Offline Activities:

Provide your child with a variety of offline activities that stimulate their creativity, imagination, and physical well-being. Encourage hobbies such as reading, drawing, playing sports, playing cards, baking or cooking, or engaging in outdoor activities. By offering appealing alternatives, you make it easier for your child to choose offline pursuits over excessive screen time. Get involved in these activities together as a family to strengthen your bond and show that there’s a world beyond screens worth exploring. Parents need to get off their screens too.

In conclusion, managing your child’s screen time requires a thoughtful and proactive approach. By setting clear limits, creating screen-free zones and times, and promoting diverse offline activities, you can foster a healthy balance between the digital and physical worlds. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate screen time entirely but to ensure it complements, rather than dominates, your child’s overall well-being and development. Ballance is key.

GTG…I have a show to watch.

xoxo,

Marnee

Hi-

My name is Marnee and I am a recovering juggler. Not the kind of juggler of balls or pins, but of tasks.

Here is what happened that enlightened me as to why I needed to reform my ways. You see I was rushing to get back to the office on a chilly afternoon (yes, here in South Florida) and decided to make tea. As the kettle’s whistle was blowing, I was thinking about my afternoon, dealing with the dinner I was going to make that evening, watching the birds in the backyard, wondering if the dogs had enough water in their bowl, and so on….all while I was pouring the hot water into my large insulated cup. Yep, I scalded myself and ended up with 2nd-degree burns across the back (top) of my fingers/hand. Just super!

You see, many of us often believe that in our fast-paced world, multitasking is a super skill that promises increased productivity. However, the constant juggling act can have adverse effects on our work quality, mental health, and physical health- Hello My Hand!

Contrary to popular belief, true multitasking is a myth. One’s attempt to rapidly switch attention between tasks can actually lead to decreased overall performance and an increase in errors. Multitasking can compromise the quality of our work and everyday life. My injury has required me to slow down and re-evaluate this practice of multitasking.

Here are 4 concepts to help us all de-juggle :

1. Prioritize Tasks: Focus on completing one important task at a time for a more thorough and thoughtful approach to task completion.
2. Set Realistic Goals: Be realistic about what you can achieve in a given timeframe to reduce pressure.
3. Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques to stay present and reduce stress. I think of this of intention and attention.
4. Learn to Delegate: Understand that you can’t do everything on your own!!! Delegating tasks improves overall efficiency and effectiveness.

Soooo, juggling much may seem like a shortcut to productivity, but it often leads to a decline in work quality, increased stress…and a burnt hand. In 2024, I am committed to prioritizing, setting realistic goals, practicing mindfulness, and delegating tasks! These 4 concepts are crucial for maintaining a healthy balance between productivity and well-being. Remember, it’s not about how many tasks we can juggle but how well we can handle the ones that truly matter.

The past few weeks with less use of my hand has definitely made me focus and be present- with less juggling. Will you join me and juggle less?

xoxo,

Marnee