by Parents Living Learning Community | Jan 18, 2025 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Dear Dr. Marnee,
I hope this note finds you well. I’m reaching out about my daughter, who loves the idea of sleepovers with her friends but struggles to stay the night. Every time she goes, we get a call in the middle of the night asking to come home because she can’t sleep. And then I can’t sleep waiting for the call.
I want to support her desire to spend time with her friends, but I also don’t want her to feel like she’s failing or missing out because she can’t stay the whole night. I’d love your advice on how to help her navigate this without adding more pressure.
Thank you for your time and guidance!
Warm regards,
JR
Dear JR,
Thank you for reaching out—this is such a common challenge, and you’re not alone in navigating it! It’s wonderful that your daughter wants to participate in sleepovers; that shows her enthusiasm for connecting with her friends, even if staying overnight feels difficult right now.
First, let’s frame this positively: her attempts to go to sleepovers are already a big step! It’s okay if she’s not ready to stay the entire night just yet. What’s important is that she’s building confidence by trying.
Here’s how you can support her:
- Talk It Through: Before the sleepover, have a conversation about her feelings. What is it about staying overnight that feels hard? Identifying the specific challenge (homesickness, fear of the dark, unfamiliar surroundings) can help you both come up with strategies.
- Set a Plan: Consider a gradual approach, like a “sleep-under,” where she stays until bedtime and then comes home. This lets her enjoy time with her friends without the added pressure of sleeping there. (I’ve used this technique with families before and even had the child stay the night because the anxiety about leaving had dissipated.)
- Normalize Her Feelings: Let her know it’s okay to need time to adjust. Many kids feel the same way, and it doesn’t make her any less capable or brave.
- Practice Coping Tools: Help her prepare for the next sleepover by teaching her simple techniques to calm herself, like breathing exercises or bringing a comforting item from home.
By now you know me, and know that I believe that it is super important to celebrate her efforts. Count each win! Each time she tries, even if she calls you in the middle of the night, she’s practicing independence in her own way. With time and encouragement, she’ll feel more comfortable and confident.
Please feel free to reach out if you’d like to discuss this further—I’d be happy to help.
Happy Parenting,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 20, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Hello all. As a clinical psychologist and mom myself, I can confidently say this: if you’re a parent who feels perpetually exhausted, you’re definitely not alone. Whether your child is a baby, a preschooler, is school aged, a teen, or even a college student (wink, wink), being tired is part of the universal experience of being a mom.
It’s easy to think that being tired all the time means you’re doing something wrong. But in reality, it’s simply a sign that you’re fully invested in the endless demands of parenting. You’re the one who gets up in the middle of the night to soothe bad dreams, who answers a thousand questions a day, and who somehow finds time to be the finder of lost socks, the keeper of schedules, and the provider of snacks. No wonder you’re tired!
The truth is, being a mom means your mental load is always on high alert, whether you’re chasing a toddler, supporting a stressed-out teenager, or worrying about your young adult navigating life’s challenges. It’s completely normal to feel like you’re running on empty at times.
And while we often dream about having a quiet moment to ourselves (and maybe even finishing a hot cup of coffee), it’s important to acknowledge that feeling tired doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you care. You’re showing up, day after day, doing your best for your kids.
So, if you’re reading this while trying to catch a minute of rest, know that it’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. The exhaustion is a shared experience among moms everywhere, and it’s a testament to all the love, effort, and energy you pour into your family. You’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. And remember: you deserve care and rest too, so take those moments for yourself whenever you can!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 16, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Happy Monday, all!
As you all know, I am the mom of two boys. What you may not know is that they are less than two years apart- yep, those early years were busy.
In my family of origin, I am the oldest of three children. And, as a clinical psychologist, I’ve seen how sibling dynamics can shape our lives. While childhood squabbles over toys or who gets the last cookie might seem endless, (ask me about the cookie draft process) they play a crucial role in building lifelong skills like negotiation, empathy, and teamwork. Let’s think about it.
When parents take the time to nurture these relationships early on—encouraging sharing, resolving conflicts, supporting each other, and spending quality time together—it lays the foundation for a strong bond that lasts into adulthood. ***Even if teens drift apart, the effort made when they’re young pays off when they grow into supportive, close-knit adults.
So next time you referee a sibling spat, remember: you’re helping build a lifelong friendship. The bickering may be temporary, but the bond they’re forming is priceless. Hang in there—your hard work now leads to siblings who’ll be there for each other through life’s ups and downs. My siblings and I are super close, and I am grateful for that each and every day.
I look forward to our chat about Siblings tomorrow.
Happy Parenting!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 15, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Happy Summer all!
Now that July has begun and the 4th of July holiday is right around the corner, it might be a good time to consider why we celebrate this holiday and what we can share about it with our children during these political times.
Why do we celebrate it at all?
To refresh your memory, on July 4, 1776, the thirteen American colonies adopted the Declaration of Independence, declaring independence from British rule. A new nation based on liberty, equality, and self-governance was born—the good, the bad, the messy, and the ugly.
However…celebrating this year may feel more challenging to some in years past, given the state of the political discord in our country. These conversations are occurring now and may occur on the 4th in front of the children.
Here are a few concepts to model:
- Different Opinions Are Okay: It’s normal for people to think differently, and that’s okay.
- Work Together: Solving problems together can lead to great results.
- Be Kind: Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even if you disagree.
- Learn from Challenges: Use disagreements as a chance to learn and grow.
- Hope for the Future: Believe that things can get better and work towards it.
By modeling these behaviors, children can understand that even when there’s political discord, we can behave in a way that honors the freedom to disagree. This July 4th, as you enjoy the festivities, take a moment to help kids understand why this day is so special and instill in them a sense of pride and appreciation for the freedoms we celebrate, including the freedom to disagree.
Happy Independence Day!
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 14, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Dear Dr. Marnee,
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to seek your advice regarding a concern I have with my child’s eating habits. My child, XXXX, is a very restrictive and picky eater. This has been an ongoing issue despite my best efforts. XXXX only eats a limited variety of foods, and any attempt to introduce something new often results in refusal and distress- even a meltdown with tears. I am worried about their nutrition and the potential impact on their growth and development. Could you please provide some guidance or strategies to help manage this situation?
Thank you very much for your time and assistance.
Sincerely,
Worried Mom
Dear Worried Mom,
Thank you for reaching out with your concerns about XXXX’s eating habits. It’s understandable to be worried about restrictive and picky eating in children, and I’m glad you’re seeking advice. Here are three simple suggestions that may help:
- Create a Positive Mealtime Environment: Ensure that mealtimes are relaxed and stress-free. Please avoid pressuring your child to eat certain foods. Instead, make meals a time for family connection and enjoyment. Offering a variety of foods in a positive setting can encourage your child to try new things. Don’t be so invested in the food, but be focused on the mealtime family relationship.
- Introduce New Foods Gradually: Start with small portions of new foods alongside familiar favorites. Encourage your child to explore the new food through sight, smell, and touch before tasting. It can take multiple exposures to a new food before a child feels comfortable trying it, so be patient and persistent without forcing them to eat it. Don’t take this process personally.
- Involve Your Child in Food Preparation: Engage your child in grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking. This involvement can make them more interested in the foods they help prepare. Simple tasks like washing vegetables or stirring ingredients can increase their willingness to try the final dish.
Overall, try to limit your distress about the situation in front of your child. I know it is hard, and you are not alone. You have an entire community here to share in parenting.
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
PS: UPDATE. The child tried a hot dog and said it was disgusting. I celebrated the win with the mom! I love parenting.
