by Parents Living Learning Community | Feb 3, 2025 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Happy Monday, Everyone- This post is a follow-up to our chat this past week about bedtime.
So, I received an email regarding my view on “strict bedtimes.” This parent let me know that their parents used bedtime as a bargaining chip when they were young, believed it was helpful to motivate them as a child, and now use it with their kids.
You know me, as a child psychologist and a parent who has battled many bedtime negotiations, I know how tempting it can be to use sleep as a bargaining chip. “If you go to bed now, you can have extra screen time tomorrow!” or “If you don’t get ready for bed, no playdate this weekend!” Sound familiar? While these strategies might work in the short term, they send the wrong message: that sleep is something optional—something to be earned or taken away—rather than a fundamental, essential function like eating or breathing.
Sleep is not a privilege; it’s a biological necessity. Just like we wouldn’t reward a child for eating lunch or punish them by withholding water, we should avoid turning sleep into a transaction. When sleep becomes a battleground, kids may start to associate bedtime with stress rather than rest and recovery, which their bodies need. I know that I sound like a broken record, but trust me…they need their sleep!
Instead, focus on creating consistent, healthy sleep habits. Establish a predictable bedtime routine, set realistic expectations, and reinforce the idea that sleep helps their brain and body grow strong. If your child resists, try shifting the conversation: “Your body needs rest so you can feel great tomorrow,” rather than “You have to go to bed now.” This small change in language can make a big difference in how children view sleep—not as a chore or consequence, but as a natural, non-negotiable part of life.
So, let’s drop the bedtime bribes and battles. Sleep is simply part of being human, and the more we treat it that way, the more our kids will too!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Feb 3, 2025 | Uncategorized
Happy Monday, Everyone- This post is a follow-up to our chat this past week about bedtime.
So, I received an email regarding my view on “strict bedtimes.” This parent let me know that their parents used bedtime as a bargaining chip when they were young, believed it was helpful to motivate them as a child, and now use it with their kids.
You know me, as a child psychologist and a parent who has battled many bedtime negotiations, I know how tempting it can be to use sleep as a bargaining chip. “If you go to bed now, you can have extra screen time tomorrow!” or “If you don’t get ready for bed, no playdate this weekend!” Sound familiar? While these strategies might work in the short term, they send the wrong message: that sleep is something optional—something to be earned or taken away—rather than a fundamental, essential function like eating or breathing.
Sleep is not a privilege; it’s a biological necessity. Just like we wouldn’t reward a child for eating lunch or punish them by withholding water, we should avoid turning sleep into a transaction. When sleep becomes a battleground, kids may start to associate bedtime with stress rather than rest and recovery, which their bodies need. I know that I sound like a broken record, but trust me…they need their sleep!
Instead, focus on creating consistent, healthy sleep habits. Establish a predictable bedtime routine, set realistic expectations, and reinforce the idea that sleep helps their brain and body grow strong. If your child resists, try shifting the conversation: “Your body needs rest so you can feel great tomorrow,” rather than “You have to go to bed now.” This small change in language can make a big difference in how children view sleep—not as a chore or consequence, but as a natural, non-negotiable part of life.
So, let’s drop the bedtime bribes and battles. Sleep is simply part of being human, and the more we treat it that way, the more our kids will too!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Jan 27, 2025 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Hello, My Fabulous Parents,
I love this time of year. The weather is beautiful- the days are getting longer. This week, we celebrated Tu Bishvat to honor the trees and the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day.
So, why am I mentioning these two seemingly unrelated holidays? Stay with me- I believe that parenting is a lot like planting a tree. In the beginning, we carefully place a tiny seedling in the soil, full of hope for what it will become. We nurture it, give it sunlight, and water it with love. We protect it from storms, pests, and anything that might weaken its roots. But no matter how much we prepare, the tree will grow in its own unique way.
Some seasons are easier than others. There are moments when growth seems effortless—branches stretch high and leaves flourish. Other times, the tree struggles, battered by wind and weather, growing in directions we didn’t expect. As parents, it’s tempting to try and control every aspect of our child’s growth, but just like trees, children need space to find their strength. And we remind ourselves that what doesn’t bend breaks.
Our job isn’t to shape them into something they’re not but to provide the nourishment, guidance, and stability they need to grow into who they’re meant to be. Sometimes, that means stepping back and trusting their roots.
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself that you’re doing a great job planting, watering, and providing the right environment for your tree or forest to thrive.
With patience, love, and trust, your child will find their way.
xoxo,
Master Planter
— feeling lovely.
by Parents Living Learning Community | Jan 23, 2025 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Hello, my parenting community, and Happy Monday!
Halloween is this week and it can be an exciting time for many kids, but for children who are easily frightened, it can bring a mix of anxiety and discomfort. As a child psychologist, I’ve worked with many families to help children navigate the holiday in a way that feels fun and safe. Here are three strategies to consider if your child is easily scared:
- Set Expectations Ahead of Time
Halloween often means surprises, which can be unsettling for a child who is sensitive to fear. A few days before Halloween, like today, talk with your child about what they might see or experience—like costumes, decorations, or spooky noises. Let them know that even though things may look or sound scary, it’s all make-believe. Walking around the neighborhood in daylight to point out decorations can also help familiarize them with any “scary” houses or figures so they feel less intimidating.
- Allow Them to Set Their Boundaries
It’s essential to respect your child’s comfort levels and let them set boundaries for what they’re ready to try. (This is the priority rather than living your Halloween dreams. This was a discussion in my office regarding a father’s perspective about his “not so fun” son.) You can offer alternatives like hosting a family movie night with “not-too-spooky” movies or visiting friends with non-scary decorations. Giving your child the choice to opt out of things that feel overwhelming can help them feel in control of their experience, and it may even make them more open to exploring Halloween activities next year.
- Practice Coping Skills for When They’re Scared
Equip your child with tools to manage any scary moments. Deep breathing exercises can be effective—try “2-2-2 breathing”: breathe in for two counts, hold for two, and exhale for two. (In adults, we use the same method 4-4-4.) You could also suggest bringing a comforting object, like a favorite toy or a small flashlight, which can be a reassuring “safety” item. If they do get frightened, practice using calm words like “Remember, it’s just pretend” or “I’m right here with you.”
- t’s OK to NOT Trick or Treat
Halloween still be a ton of fun without stepping outside. Letting them hand out treats can be a perfect way for them to experience Halloween without feeling overwhelmed. By staying in a familiar environment, they can engage with the night and at a safe distance. Set up a table out side of your door or a few camping chairs all ready to hand out treats, adding a sense of ownership and pride. (BTW, this is where you will typically find me, lol.) Some kids feel much more at ease watching others come to them instead of venturing out into an unpredictable environment.
Remember, Halloween doesn’t need to be scary to be fun! By following their pace and supporting them with calming strategies, you can help your child feel comfortable and, hopefully, enjoy the holiday in a way that feels just right for them.
Have a good time this week.
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Jan 22, 2025 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Happy Monday, all!
As you all know, I am the mom of two boys. What you may not know is that they are less than two years apart- yep, those early years were busy.
In my family of origin, I am the oldest of three children. And, as a clinical psychologist, I’ve seen how sibling dynamics can shape our lives. While childhood squabbles over toys or who gets the last cookie might seem endless, (ask me about the cookie draft process) they play a crucial role in building lifelong skills like negotiation, empathy, and teamwork. Let’s think about it.— feeling loved.
When parents take the time to nurture these relationships early on—encouraging sharing, resolving conflicts, supporting each other, and spending quality time together—it lays the foundation for a strong bond that lasts into adulthood. ***Even if teens drift apart, the effort made when they’re young pays off when they grow into supportive, close-knit adults.
So next time you referee a sibling spat, remember: you’re helping build a lifelong friendship. The bickering may be temporary, but the bond they’re forming is priceless. Hang in there—your hard work now leads to siblings who’ll be there for each other through life’s ups and downs. My siblings and I are super close, and I am grateful for that each and every day.
I look forward to our chat about Siblings tomorrow.
Happy Parenting!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
