by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 20, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Hello all. As a clinical psychologist and mom myself, I can confidently say this: if you’re a parent who feels perpetually exhausted, you’re definitely not alone. Whether your child is a baby, a preschooler, is school aged, a teen, or even a college student (wink, wink), being tired is part of the universal experience of being a mom.
It’s easy to think that being tired all the time means you’re doing something wrong. But in reality, it’s simply a sign that you’re fully invested in the endless demands of parenting. You’re the one who gets up in the middle of the night to soothe bad dreams, who answers a thousand questions a day, and who somehow finds time to be the finder of lost socks, the keeper of schedules, and the provider of snacks. No wonder you’re tired!
The truth is, being a mom means your mental load is always on high alert, whether you’re chasing a toddler, supporting a stressed-out teenager, or worrying about your young adult navigating life’s challenges. It’s completely normal to feel like you’re running on empty at times.
And while we often dream about having a quiet moment to ourselves (and maybe even finishing a hot cup of coffee), it’s important to acknowledge that feeling tired doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you care. You’re showing up, day after day, doing your best for your kids.
So, if you’re reading this while trying to catch a minute of rest, know that it’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. The exhaustion is a shared experience among moms everywhere, and it’s a testament to all the love, effort, and energy you pour into your family. You’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. And remember: you deserve care and rest too, so take those moments for yourself whenever you can!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 16, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Happy Monday, all!
As you all know, I am the mom of two boys. What you may not know is that they are less than two years apart- yep, those early years were busy.
In my family of origin, I am the oldest of three children. And, as a clinical psychologist, I’ve seen how sibling dynamics can shape our lives. While childhood squabbles over toys or who gets the last cookie might seem endless, (ask me about the cookie draft process) they play a crucial role in building lifelong skills like negotiation, empathy, and teamwork. Let’s think about it.
When parents take the time to nurture these relationships early on—encouraging sharing, resolving conflicts, supporting each other, and spending quality time together—it lays the foundation for a strong bond that lasts into adulthood. ***Even if teens drift apart, the effort made when they’re young pays off when they grow into supportive, close-knit adults.
So next time you referee a sibling spat, remember: you’re helping build a lifelong friendship. The bickering may be temporary, but the bond they’re forming is priceless. Hang in there—your hard work now leads to siblings who’ll be there for each other through life’s ups and downs. My siblings and I are super close, and I am grateful for that each and every day.
I look forward to our chat about Siblings tomorrow.
Happy Parenting!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 15, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Happy Summer all!
Now that July has begun and the 4th of July holiday is right around the corner, it might be a good time to consider why we celebrate this holiday and what we can share about it with our children during these political times.
Why do we celebrate it at all?
To refresh your memory, on July 4, 1776, the thirteen American colonies adopted the Declaration of Independence, declaring independence from British rule. A new nation based on liberty, equality, and self-governance was born—the good, the bad, the messy, and the ugly.
However…celebrating this year may feel more challenging to some in years past, given the state of the political discord in our country. These conversations are occurring now and may occur on the 4th in front of the children.
Here are a few concepts to model:
- Different Opinions Are Okay: It’s normal for people to think differently, and that’s okay.
- Work Together: Solving problems together can lead to great results.
- Be Kind: Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even if you disagree.
- Learn from Challenges: Use disagreements as a chance to learn and grow.
- Hope for the Future: Believe that things can get better and work towards it.
By modeling these behaviors, children can understand that even when there’s political discord, we can behave in a way that honors the freedom to disagree. This July 4th, as you enjoy the festivities, take a moment to help kids understand why this day is so special and instill in them a sense of pride and appreciation for the freedoms we celebrate, including the freedom to disagree.
Happy Independence Day!
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 14, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Dear Dr. Marnee,
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to seek your advice regarding a concern I have with my child’s eating habits. My child, XXXX, is a very restrictive and picky eater. This has been an ongoing issue despite my best efforts. XXXX only eats a limited variety of foods, and any attempt to introduce something new often results in refusal and distress- even a meltdown with tears. I am worried about their nutrition and the potential impact on their growth and development. Could you please provide some guidance or strategies to help manage this situation?
Thank you very much for your time and assistance.
Sincerely,
Worried Mom
Dear Worried Mom,
Thank you for reaching out with your concerns about XXXX’s eating habits. It’s understandable to be worried about restrictive and picky eating in children, and I’m glad you’re seeking advice. Here are three simple suggestions that may help:
- Create a Positive Mealtime Environment: Ensure that mealtimes are relaxed and stress-free. Please avoid pressuring your child to eat certain foods. Instead, make meals a time for family connection and enjoyment. Offering a variety of foods in a positive setting can encourage your child to try new things. Don’t be so invested in the food, but be focused on the mealtime family relationship.
- Introduce New Foods Gradually: Start with small portions of new foods alongside familiar favorites. Encourage your child to explore the new food through sight, smell, and touch before tasting. It can take multiple exposures to a new food before a child feels comfortable trying it, so be patient and persistent without forcing them to eat it. Don’t take this process personally.
- Involve Your Child in Food Preparation: Engage your child in grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking. This involvement can make them more interested in the foods they help prepare. Simple tasks like washing vegetables or stirring ingredients can increase their willingness to try the final dish.
Overall, try to limit your distress about the situation in front of your child. I know it is hard, and you are not alone. You have an entire community here to share in parenting.
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
PS: UPDATE. The child tried a hot dog and said it was disgusting. I celebrated the win with the mom! I love parenting.
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 13, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
Happy Mid-Summer Monday! As you know, I am excited about kids and parenting. I love the abundant possibilities and opportunities that are presented each day with our kids. As parents, fostering a positive and resilient attitude in our children is crucial for their long-term success and happiness. One powerful way to achieve this is by understanding and promoting a growth mindset over a fixed mindset. But what exactly are these mindsets, and how can they impact your child’s development? I realized I may have yet to define these terms and wanted to ensure we were all on common ground.
Fixed Mindset: A fixed mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence are static traits—they are set in stone and cannot be changed. Children with a fixed mindset might think that they are either “good” or “bad” at something, with no room for improvement. For example, a child might say, “I’m just not good at math,” and believe that no amount of effort will change this.
Growth Mindset: A growth mindset, on the other hand, is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, dedication, and learning. Children with a growth mindset understand that effort leads to improvement and view challenges as opportunities to grow.
You all know me by now and see that I fully support at Growth Mindset. (Thank you, Dr. Carol Dweck, for your brilliance! )
How Parents Can Foster a Growth Mindset
- Praise Effort, Not Just Results: Encourage your child by praising the effort they put into their tasks rather than the outcome.
- Encourage Learning from Mistakes: Teach your child that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process. Help them see failures as opportunities to learn and improve. FAIL=First Attempt In Learning
- Model a Growth Mindset: Show your child that you also embrace a growth mindset. Please share your own challenges and how you overcome them through perseverance and effort.
- Promote the Love of Learning: Encourage curiosity and the love of learning new things. Provide opportunities for your child to explore different interests and hobbies.
- Use Positive Language: Use language that reinforces the idea of growth and improvement. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” when something your child does is successful, try, “You worked really hard on this, and it paid off!”
By understanding the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset and actively promoting the latter, you can help your child develop resilience, a love for learning, and the confidence to face challenges head-on.
Together, we will keep on growing on this parenting journey.
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
by Parents Living Learning Community | Nov 12, 2024 | Mondays with Dr. Marnee
I recently talked with a friend who was on the verge of tears about her current situation. She waited to get married and have children later than her parents did. No judgment, just the facts. These facts place her in a common position of having parents who have needs because they are aging and in their late 60s & early to mid-70s while having younger children who are in preschool and lower elementary school. Being part of the sandwich generation means juggling the responsibilities of caring for your aging parents while also raising your own children. This dual role can be overwhelming!
Helping children understand why things might be different at home can foster empathy, patience, and support. Here’s how you can explain the situation to your kids:
- Keeping Explanations Simple, Honest, and Age-Appropriate: Tailor your explanation to your child’s age and maturity level. Younger children need simpler explanations, while older kids and teenagers can handle more detailed discussions. The general message is the same: We’re helping take care of them because that is what we do in our family- A family takes care of each other.
- Addressing Their Feelings and Acknowledge Emotions: Let your children know that it’s okay to have all kinds of feelings about the situation. They might feel confused, frustrated, annoyed, or even neglected. Let them know that their feelings are valid. It can be very challenging when your child’s reaction is negative. Try not to take it too personally; it is part of the process.
- Provide Reassurance: Make sure your children know that your love and care for them hasn’t changed. Explain that while things might be busier and more stressful, your commitment to their well-being remains the same. It is even ok to join with them and let your child know that it is not always fun or even something you prefer to do, but that caring for people you love is part of showing love.
- Involving Them in Caregiving By Assign Age-Appropriate Tasks: Involve your children in helping out in ways that are suitable for their age. This can help them feel included and understand the importance of family support.
- Teach Empathy: Use this opportunity to teach your children about empathy and the importance of helping others. Explain how their actions, no matter how small, can make a big difference in their grandparents’ lives.
- Stick to Routines: Try to maintain normalcy and routine as much as possible. Regular meals, homework, and bedtime schedules can help children feel secure amidst the changes. I am a big fan of predictability when possible.
- Quality Family Time: Make time for fun and bonding activities with your children. This can help alleviate feelings of neglect and strengthen family bonds. Remember, 5 to 10 minutes of undivided parental attention to a child of any age (meaning stepping away from the phone or multi-tasking) will make a world of difference.
- Keep Them Informed: Regularly update your children about any significant changes in the caregiving situation. It can help them feel involved and reduce uncertainty. Use the Little Red Riding Hood method of not being too soft or too hard but just right for sharing information.
- Have an Open Dialogue: Encourage your children to ask questions and express their concerns. Having an open line of communication ensures that they feel heard and supported. Remember to follow their lead when answering questions.
So, back to my friend, I left the conversation with care and concern for my friend and gave her these reminders:
She is a good mom.
Her children will be ok.
Hard and bad are not the same thing.
She is not alone.
Sending love to all in the sandwich generation.
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee
