Happy Monday, all.
By now, you know that I adore children and the ever-changing fun of parenting as well. I have recently had the opportunity to consult with two families with precocious children. We’ve all met those children who seem wise beyond their years—kids who can hold impressive conversations, using vocabulary that sounds like it belongs to someone much older. These “4 turning 40” children are often labeled hyperverbal, dazzling adults with their communication ability. But there’s a hidden challenge with these bright young talkers: they’re usually expected to act as mature as they speak. And that is a problem.
Take Sam (not his real name), for example -he is 5 years old and “gifted”- he could explain the solar system in detail, quoting facts about each planet like a mini professor. Sam gave an impromptu science lesson at a family gathering that amazed everyone. But later, when his younger cousin took a toy from him, Sam threw a tantrum, crying loudly and unable to calm down. His parents were embarrassed and frustrated, thinking, “What is wrong with him? He should know better than to behave like that!” But Sam, for all his impressive words, was still 5—learning to manage his emotions and self-control just like any other child his age.
Then there’s Lily (not her real name), a 4-year-old who loves to chat with adults. At a recent dinner party celebrating her older cousin’s graduation, she captivated the table by discussing her favorite books and even asking her family friends about their reading habits. She was praised for her intelligence and poise. But just minutes later, Lily refused to share a dessert with her older sister, bursting into tears and running out of the room. Now, I get it; sharing is hard, especially with chocolate. Her parents, however, were baffled and annoyed. Her parents reported thinking that with such advanced verbal skills, she should be able to handle sharing. What they forgot is that while Lily’s speech might suggest maturity, her emotional regulation is still developing.
Here is the problem: we assume that because hyperverbal children sound older, they should be able to control their emotions and behavior like adults. Sam and Lily might speak eloquently, but their emotional and social development still aligns with their age. Expecting them to act as mature as they speak often leads to frustration for both parents and children.
I want all of us parents to keep in mind that a child’s ability to express complex thoughts doesn’t necessarily mean they’re emotionally mature. These hyperverbal children need our patience and understanding as they navigate their emotional development. Recognizing their unique needs and supporting their growth is essential.
While it’s impressive to witness their advanced verbal skills (and it’s super cute), it’s equally important to remember that these children are still learning and growing. Let’s support them on their journey to emotional maturity, just like we would for any other child their age. (or adult on their journey, lol)
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee