Happy Monday, Everyone- This post is a follow-up to our chat this past week about bedtime.
So, I received an email regarding my view on “strict bedtimes.” This parent let me know that their parents used bedtime as a bargaining chip when they were young, believed it was helpful to motivate them as a child, and now use it with their kids.
You know me, as a child psychologist and a parent who has battled many bedtime negotiations, I know how tempting it can be to use sleep as a bargaining chip. “If you go to bed now, you can have extra screen time tomorrow!” or “If you don’t get ready for bed, no playdate this weekend!” Sound familiar? While these strategies might work in the short term, they send the wrong message: that sleep is something optional—something to be earned or taken away—rather than a fundamental, essential function like eating or breathing.
Sleep is not a privilege; it’s a biological necessity. Just like we wouldn’t reward a child for eating lunch or punish them by withholding water, we should avoid turning sleep into a transaction. When sleep becomes a battleground, kids may start to associate bedtime with stress rather than rest and recovery, which their bodies need. I know that I sound like a broken record, but trust me…they need their sleep!
Instead, focus on creating consistent, healthy sleep habits. Establish a predictable bedtime routine, set realistic expectations, and reinforce the idea that sleep helps their brain and body grow strong. If your child resists, try shifting the conversation: “Your body needs rest so you can feel great tomorrow,” rather than “You have to go to bed now.” This small change in language can make a big difference in how children view sleep—not as a chore or consequence, but as a natural, non-negotiable part of life.
So, let’s drop the bedtime bribes and battles. Sleep is simply part of being human, and the more we treat it that way, the more our kids will too!
xoxo,
Dr. Marnee