Back story-My second son plays high school hockey and I love it. We drive together to each game which means I am at the rink 45 minutes or so before puck drop.
Recently, I ran into an old friend who I hardly see anymore due to his divorce. (I got the wife in the divorce) He was gracious and invited me to sit with him as his son’s team was playing on the same rink that my son would take next. I was my typically friendly self, as I can talk to a wall, lol. During the initial pleasantries, I said it was nice to see him. He responded that he hates hockey and it ruined his marriage. Ok, a game can’t ruin a marriage, but poor communication about anything can certainly cause issues, but that is not why I am sharing this story. As I tried not to engage with this statement, I could not help myself and said something like, we parents often do things that our kids prefer for their benefit and thus, for our benefit. He responded (with a pleased look on his face) that he was almost done ‘babysitting” since his X was out of town for only a few more days. I again could not help myself, and I said something like- When you are with your own children, it is actually called parenting, not babysitting!
In today’s society, there’s a growing awareness of the importance of involved fathers. Dads are stepping up more than ever before to take an active role in parenting, from changing diapers and feeding babies to coaching soccer teams and attending parent-teacher conferences. (Please know that I don’t think anyone should get a gold star for doing what they are supposed to.) Yet, despite this progress, there still are lingering issues that need to be addressed. This is one of them- a tendency for some fathers to refer to their own parenting duties as “babysitting.”
What’s wrong with calling it babysitting when dads care for their own children?
Here is the answer- The problem lies in the implication that childcare is solely the responsibility of mothers and that when fathers do it, it’s a favor or a temporary task rather than an inherent part of their role as parents!!!
When a father uses the term “babysitting” to describe time spent with his own children undermines the significance of his role and perpetuates outdated gender stereotypes. It sends a message that childcare is primarily the mother’s domain, while fathers are merely occasional helpers or babysitters. This mindset not only diminishes fathers’ contributions to their families but it also reinforces the idea that caregiving is less important or valuable than other activities. Moreover, when a father labels themself as babysitters they set forth broader implications for gender equality and parental involvement. When fathers choose not to recognize themselves as partners in parenting, they may be less likely to take on caregiving responsibilities or to be involved in decision-making related to their children’s upbringing. This can have negative consequences for both fathers and children, as it limits the opportunities for meaningful bonding and shared experiences between fathers and their offspring. When you teach a child, you teach your child’s child!
So, instead of referring to it as babysitting, let’s call it what it is: parenting.