You all know that I love parenting!

     However, we often get frustrated when our kids have tantrums or big feelings and can not pull themselves together. How do we help our kids learn to regulate their emotional experiences better? Our ability to regulate our emotions directly impacts our children’s ability to learn regulation. This is called coregulation.

    The concept of coregulation often goes unnoticed, yet it plays a crucial role in the emotional and psychological development of children.


    OK, so what is coregulation? Coregulation is a collaborative process in which a parent guides their child through emotional experiences, helping them to manage and regulate their emotions. It involves the parent providing a calm, supportive presence, which helps the child to feel secure and understood. This process teaches children how to handle their emotions, develop self-regulation skills, and build resilience. I think it is so cool and makes a ton of sense.  

Here are some tips for improving your coregulation skills:

   Stay Calm: Children often mirror the emotional states of their parents. By remaining calm and composed during stressful situations, you provide a model for your child to emulate.

   Acknowledge & Validate: Acknowledge your child’s feelings without judgment. Validating their emotions helps them feel understood and accepted, which is crucial for their emotional development.

   Be Present: Give your child your full attention during emotional moments. Your presence and attentiveness convey that you are there to support them, which helps to soothe their anxiety.

   Use Soothing Techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, gentle touch, and comforting words can help to calm your child. These actions not only provide immediate comfort but also teach your child effective self-soothing strategies.

   Encourage Expression: Encourage your child to express their feelings and thoughts. Provide a safe space for them to talk about their emotions, and listen actively without interrupting or dismissing their experiences.

   I am confident that coregulation is a powerful tool in the parenting toolkit. By helping your child manage their emotions through a supportive and empathetic approach, you not only strengthen your relationship but also equip them with essential life skills. Remember, the goal of coregulation is not to eliminate your child’s emotional distress but to guide them through it, helping them emerge more resilient and emotionally intelligent. Embrace coregulation as a vital aspect of your parenting, and watch as your child grows into a confident, self-regulated individual.



Dr. Marnee