I recently participated in a virtual talk about birth order. One of the themes of firstborns was their high-functioning tendencies and possible perfectionism. I am not a fan of all or nothing at all kind of thinking, and perfectionism is one of those. 

Perfectionism in childhood is a multifaceted issue that can significantly affect a child’s well-being and development. While striving for excellence seems admirable, perfectionism taken to extremes can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and impaired social functioning. Research indicates that a substantial percentage of children experience perfectionistic tendencies, highlighting the importance of addressing this clinical issue with effective strategies. People are not perfect!

Studies suggest that approximately 10% to 15% of children exhibit perfectionistic traits, varying rates depending on age, gender, and environmental influences. Parents, caregivers, and educators must recognize the signs of perfectionism and implement interventions to support children in navigating this challenge.  

Here are three simple techniques backed by research to help children overcome perfectionism:

  1. Promote a Growth Mindset: Encourage children to adopt a growth mindset, emphasizing that abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance. Research by Dr. Carol Dweck (and others) has shown that praising children for their effort and strategies, rather than innate talent or intelligence, promotes resilience and a willingness to take on challenges. Help children understand that making mistakes is a natural part of learning. Teach them that setbacks provide opportunities for growth and improvement.  
  2. Practice Cognitive Restructuring: Teach children how to challenge and reframe perfectionistic thoughts and beliefs. Cognitive-behavioral techniques can help children recognize and replace unrealistic or unhelpful thinking patterns. For example, encourage children to question the validity of perfectionistic standards. Demonstrate how to consider more realistic and compassionate alternatives. By shifting their perspective, children can reduce anxiety and self-criticism associated with perfectionism.
  3. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies: Equip children with effective coping skills to manage perfectionistic tendencies and related stressors. Research suggests that activities such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and expressive arts can help children regulate their emotions and reduce anxiety. Yes, children and adolescents can learn to meditate! Encourage children to engage in activities that promote relaxation and self-care, such as spending time outdoors, engaging in hobbies, or connecting with supportive peers and adults.

 

Implementing these techniques can help parents and educators help children overcome perfectionism. By fostering a growth mindset, promoting cognitive restructuring, and encouraging healthy coping strategies, we can empower children to embrace their imperfections, navigate challenges with resilience, and cultivate a positive sense of self-worth. Let’s work together to create a nurturing environment where all children can flourish, regardless of perfectionistic tendencies.

xoxo,

Dr. Marnee